Why does my mind always go someplace negative when I let it wander? Why can’t I daydream something wonderful? How come I always have to question everything? Why all the rhetorical questions? Just, I am so sick of letting go and free-floating to negativity. I actively have to think something positive, but when I turn everything off and just let go, it inevitably goes south and my thoughts and memories and jealousies and insecurities rear their ugly, ugly heads and then I end up feeling like the sixteen year old girl who was positive she’d die alone.
I am such a melodramatic cliché sometimes.
I have worked some phenomenal hours and when the weekend comes all I really want to do is unwind and relax. This weekend has been ridiculous. Not a good kind of ridiculous either. I have been couch and bed bound for most of it because apparently when I let myself slow down my body did too and the adrenaline that was providing me the little kick not to get sick or whatever stopped working. I have contended with a migraine headache among other things. My PS3 has acted as my little home theater system playing a few movies as I sit on the couch, wrapped in Blue, sipping coffee and tea and water, all the while moaning like I am on my death-bed. Okay, not really moaning, unless the nausea associated with the migraine gets too bad, but feeling moan-worthy all the same.
I am contemplating deleting my Facebook. I am not sure I could, though. I enjoy reading updates by other people and seeing how they are spending their time. It’s kind of ridiculous how much we depend on social media. It has become almost a source of entertainment. Not sure I exactly approve, but I still partake. Hypocritical, but the truth all the same.
I am listening to City and Colour’s new album on Spotify now. I missed Dallas Green’s voice. And this album, so far, is tops. A full band gives him a fuller sound, and I do kind of miss his simple, intimate style, but it works, and works well. You can even hear some The Black Keys styling, a nice mix of bluesy rock with singer-songwriter sentimentality. I am one of the few people (in my group of friends and acquaintances) that still purchase albums (and no, not digital downloads, actual CDs) and I think this will be one of the new purchases.