Sporadic Thoughts.

Why does my mind always go someplace negative when I let it wander?  Why can’t I daydream something wonderful?  How come I always have to question everything?  Why all the rhetorical questions?  Just, I am so sick of letting go and free-floating to negativity.  I actively have to think something positive, but when I turn everything off and just let go, it inevitably goes south and my thoughts and memories and jealousies and insecurities rear their ugly, ugly heads and then I end up feeling like the sixteen year old girl who was positive she’d die alone.

I am such a melodramatic cliché sometimes.

I have worked some phenomenal hours and when the weekend comes all I really want to do is unwind and relax.  This weekend has been ridiculous.  Not a good kind of ridiculous either.  I have been couch and bed bound for most of it because apparently when I let myself slow down my body did too and the adrenaline that was providing me the little kick not to get sick or whatever stopped working.  I have contended with a migraine headache among other things.  My PS3 has acted as my little home theater system playing a few movies as I sit on the couch, wrapped in Blue, sipping coffee and tea and water, all the while moaning like I am on my death-bed.  Okay, not really moaning, unless the nausea associated with the migraine gets too bad, but feeling moan-worthy all the same.

I am contemplating deleting my Facebook.  I am not sure I could, though.  I enjoy reading updates by other people and seeing how they are spending their time.  It’s kind of ridiculous how much we depend on social media.  It has become almost a source of entertainment.  Not sure I exactly approve, but I still partake.  Hypocritical, but the truth all the same.

I am listening to City and Colour’s new album on Spotify now.  I missed Dallas Green’s voice.  And this album, so far, is tops.  A full band gives him a fuller sound, and I do kind of miss his simple, intimate style, but it works, and works well.  You can even hear some The Black Keys styling, a nice mix of bluesy rock with singer-songwriter sentimentality.  I am one of the few people (in my group of friends and acquaintances) that still purchase albums (and no, not digital downloads, actual CDs) and I think this will be one of the new purchases.

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