Hello all! It’s Thanksgiving, and in the world of the enlightened bean, that means Tofurkey Day (vegetarian protein based dish of semi-deliciousness). And it means being thankful for all the things in my life, great and small, good and bad, that have helped me carry out goals, put me on a path towards desired dreams, and have shaped me into the woman I am today. And the things that continue to shape me.
There are so many people who are in my thoughts today, from the past, to the present, and hopes of the future. Despite this year being one of the more difficult ones I have ever experienced, I cannot disregard all the painful moments and memories. Just as the good moments serve a purpose, the bad ones do too. And despite the heartache and the tears, I hold those things close to my heart because without them, there would be no room for growth, there would not be the opportunities I have now.
I was listening to Savage Garden (moment to gasp and choke on whatever you’re eating or drinking) the other day (and no insults, please, you remember singing along to that chica-cherry cola song, too!) and there was a line in the song “Affirmation” that said, “I believe you can never really appreciate true love until you’ve been burned.” Out of all the affirmations in that song, that one stuck out to me. Maybe that’s what needed to happen. Maybe I got too close to the fire, and now I can learn to appreciate it, the warmth, the heat, the comfort, without losing myself to it. Without losing who I am and who I will be. It’s been eight painful months of questions, what-if’s, what were’s, who am I’s, and more, and I think today marks one remarkable moment: I woke up this morning and felt one step closer to whole. I asked my mom a couple of months ago when it would stop hurting to look back at things between Jonathan and I, when it would feel normal, when would it become just a pleasant memory instead of a pain deep in my chest, and she said she didn’t know, it’s different for everyone, there is no time-table, but one day I would wake up and feel “it’s okay.” It’s been a gradual process, but you know what… it’s okay. And I know it will be good. And then great. And then fabulous.
Thank you — to everyone, you know who you are — for shaping my life. And for giving me hope.
And thank you — you know who you are — for your consideration, your patience, and most of all, the smiles, there have been so many.