I always amaze myself with my lack of control when it comes to high pressure situations. I always remember, a day or two too late mind you, that you have to take everything a day at a time. When I don’t over think things, there is a smoothness that coats everything in my life. That is not to say that I coast through it, but things seem to fall into place; the puzzle pieces begin making sense and I start placing them in their proper places. But then the times when the chaos cracks and the control I have shatters like too thin glass. Let go and let… fun?
Today I made my first (and only, mind you) sign up after I decided to say “fuck it.” When I put the pressure on myself, constantly weary of what is happening and why and how much I need and the consequences, the psychological fall-out destroys whatever chance I have at a good, direct pitch. When I am out on the street, having fun, dancing around like an idiot and genuinely smiling, the more willing people are to approach me and be approached by me. This is a simple enough lesson. It is something as old as time. In relationships it often comes out in the idea of how can you love another person if you cannot love yourself? Same with knowing yourself. Though I only got a single, low sign-up today, I feel confident and reassured. I am one of the few people in our office who has been consistent with sign-ups (even though they are not the big money makers). However, it shows that I can approach people, I can stop people, and I can pitch them. I am just thoroughly uncomfortable asking for a higher amount. And that’s what bites me in the booty.
Enough of my work related mumbo-jumbo (as I am sure none of you find my musings about the job particularly interesting, though the things I think about, and want to write about, are often inspired by people I see on the street, like seeing the best in people and the worst in people). This week I am in the city for a few nights before heading back to the ‘burbs this weekend. My mom has another injection tomorrow and I really hope it takes (for her sake; I have been in her position, being constantly in pain and not being able to get real relief from it despite countless procedures – I suffer even now). This weekend I will be home to make sure she has someone around. It will also give me time to relax and prepare for the next week. Something that will be much-needed.
P.S. Give this girl some love at Clark and Diversey tomorrow if you are in the city. Come say hello.