I have always suffered from insomnia. There were times when a simple over-the-counter sleeping aid did the trick. That was until I began using them a little too freely as an emotionally numbing agent and built up a ridiculous tolerance for their potency, and therefore effectiveness. Even though I have a prescription for a heavier sleeping aid, there are times it still doesn’t do the trick. Or, another way of looking at it, there are still times when my mind doesn’t sufficiently shut down and the chemical reactions aren’t quite quick enough. The racing thoughts keep me awake and then I can feel every ache in my body. Though I am still young, this body has gone through the ringer with injuries. A broken hip, several fractured toes, torn and strained ligaments and tendons (in both ankles and knees), a broken finger, extreme and frequent lower back pain (I once fell down the outside stairs of my apartment due to ice, it was beyond excruciating), and other little subtle aches and pains throughout this twenty-five year-old’s body. (Most of these injuries occurred when I was playing soccer in my younger days. They have come back to frequently and fiercely bite me in the ass. Especially when it’s raining outside. And it is.)
The racing thoughts vary in subject. Usually there is a more emotional basis to them. Lamenting past actions, wondering where “me” went in the widespread scheme of things, what the next step is, how to achieve my dreams, and a myriad of relationship-centric issues (at least of late). But tonight is something different. Tonight revolves around my new job. And the “pitch.” I have gone through several different versions in my head hoping to improve it. There are subtle nuances in the way you approach and talk to people. And all of those things bubbled to the surface of my subconscious tonight and made it impossible to have a restful night’s sleep. Well, in addition to the aforementioned “other” things. I will need some serious caffeine intake today. Along with copious amounts of water and Gatorade (or some other electrolyte rich drink).
It’s raining, which means that today will probably be twice as hard for me, but I am trying to look at it as a challenge. I have had one of the worst weeks to begin canvassing, with extreme heat, and now rain, most people do not want to stop and stay even a few minutes, but wish to rush to their desired locations as quickly as they can. My stop needs to stun.