I have come to another conclusion:

I hate being alone.  But I am also terrified at the thought of being with someone, in the true sense of the word, or in past definitions as stated on here: in a relationship.  But now being alone hurts.  The hurt is palpable.  Maybe I am not as comfortable being single as I thought.  But being in a relationship creates even more unease.  Also, as mentioned on here in the past, that does not mean I will not act as a girlfriend acts or even lack the wish of that title, it just means that the process will be slow.  I lack the confidence to know what is good for me and what is not.  I just wish there were some answers out there.  But would I be willing and open and smart enough to accept them?

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