I have come to another conclusion:
I hate being alone. But I am also terrified at the thought of being with someone, in the true sense of the word, or in past definitions as stated on here: in a relationship. But now being alone hurts. The hurt is palpable. Maybe I am not as comfortable being single as I thought. But being in a relationship creates even more unease. Also, as mentioned on here in the past, that does not mean I will not act as a girlfriend acts or even lack the wish of that title, it just means that the process will be slow. I lack the confidence to know what is good for me and what is not. I just wish there were some answers out there. But would I be willing and open and smart enough to accept them?