Two dimes and a nickel.

Today is my twenty-fifth birthday.  Quarter of a century.  Twenty-five seems so young still, until you begin to look at the numbers and the fractions and how it fits into a grand scheme of things.  Such as, quarter of a century old today.  It’s still a small number, but I am one-fourth of a hundred.  When I was with Jonathan, every birthday we would look at the numbers and figure out how long we had been significant others compared to our age.  At twenty-four, Jonathan and I had been together for one-fourth of my life.  Again, the actual numbers are relatively small, but the idea is monumental.  But here I am, twenty-five and single again.  In my small amount of time on earth I have found love in the truest form, gotten engaged, and have broken up.  And I am not lamenting it.  Every day brings new thoughts and understandings on the events of the last year and a half, and the biggest is this: I am growing as a person and I don’t think I would have this understanding, these new ideas and emotions and thoughts, had I not gone through what I have.  For the first time since we broke up, Jonathan feels like a friend.  I am comfortable talking with him and running through ideas of him seeing other people, experiencing what he needs and wants out of life.  I have settled into that love and friendship that live between two exes.  It finally feels right.  I know there are still plenty of bridges to cross, and there will be some time before I can move on to the next step of seeing him or having a face-to-face dinner or lunch, but now, I am in a good place.  It is a relief.

One of my favorite things is to get dolled up and enjoy a night out with friends.  For past birthday’s this has been a priority, however, this year I feel like to just have a relaxing day where no obligations hound me would be the best present.  If I end up going out to eat, or seeing a movie, or enjoying a drink with my friends, good, but if nothing comes to fruition and the day passes and I just feel like it would benefit me to lounge with no plans, then I am just as happy.  I do know, however, that I want a coffee, some time to read a book, and possibly my choice of any meal, like CPK soup or pesto or whatever my taste buds fancy.  Maybe this absolutely non-committal attitude today is a result of getting older.  Either way, it feels right.  It’s like my muscles are relaxing.  The day feels like one massive breath of fresh air, deep and calming.  There are moments of realization that in the end release the building tension you didn’t know was there.  I feel like the dichotomy between Jonathan and I hit a new stride… one of the best messages I received today was from him.  It simply said: “Happy Birthday.”  It said a lot.  It said that he was working towards us being friends, too.  And that may have been the best present he has ever gotten me.  Two simple words and an idea.

 

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