She wants to feel wanted. Desired. Appreciated. Suck it up, swallow your ego, and fucking tell her how much you miss her. How much you want to see her. How come men do not understand this concept? And if you don’t miss her, don’t want her, don’t appreciate her, then suck it up, swallow your libido and cut her loose so she’s not wasting precious moments wondering what the fuck she did wrong. Or why she is undesirable. You fucking kill self-image when you play these games… men and women do. If there is seriously confusion, then let the other person know there is confusion. Let them know that the next step is scary and uncertain and that it is outside the realm of current understanding. Don’t fuck with the person.
Too many people are breaking up. While at the same time all of my close friends are getting engaged and married. Amazing that I was the first among them to take the leap, wear the ring, and now I am the single one while all of them are sporting diamonds. There is a part of me that aches, while there is another part of me, the stronger part, the more cynical part that keeps thinking: “I am NEVER going to get married. Ever.” I told Jonathan that I did not see myself ever marrying someone after we broke up. And I still think that. It doesn’t mean I won’t find someone to date or fall in love with, it just means that now I am not sure I can ever appreciate matrimony. There were so many things that I thought of while dating Jonathan that made marriage seem so sweet and precious, and since we broke up the idea sickens me. Literally, I get nauseated and get a blinding headache when I think of walking down the aisle. Maybe there is only one person that can make those thoughts pop into your head; I am not sure that necessarily means it’s always the right person.
When you’re burned once, it’s hard to be convinced to go close to a flame again. The metaphor is so true when it comes to relationships. The idea of dating, seeing people and talking with them and getting to know them is desirable. The idea of a relationship makes me want to run screaming to the hills. The term girlfriend, the name, the ideas and thoughts and associations behind it frighten me now. Do I want to feel desirable? Yes. Do I want to feel wanted? Yes. Do I want someone to remind me that I am a good person, that I do have many positives among the negatives, and that I can make someone happy or smile? Yes. Do I want a relationship? Hell fucking no. The obligations inferred by that word cannot happen right now. I need to have the freedom to pursue dreams and thoughts and desires of my own. I put my life goals aside for someone else, and I really do not want to make the mistake again.
How is it that you can find someone you can just be with, talk to, enjoy the company and presence of. The person manages to make you laugh and smile and forget about all the other chaos in your life. But at the moment, there is no way you are on the same page. There is no way to convey to them without hurting their feelings, without getting angry over useless shit, that now, this instant, there is no future. Everything feels right, but the combination feels like trying to fit a square peg into a circular hole. (Get it? Rough around the edges… I know.) And yet, you still want that “whatever” (I was going to write relationship, but… ). You don’t want to stop talking with that person. You want to be reminded that he wants you. That he appreciates your presence. That activities aren’t the same without you.
I was thinking about maturity levels the other day. I was thinking about how women are more mature than men, and I said I believed they were on the same page. I still believe that. But I am going to change my view slightly. I also believe that women have a way of talking about things, and in their mind what they are saying is simple. But the guy never gets it. They sit there and hear only a part of the conversation. I remember one time when I was arguing with Jonathan I gave some metaphor and halfway through it he stopped me and he said, “You know why I never understand your “point” – it’s because of shit like this. I am a literal guy, Stephanie. I don’t understand half of what you say. Just fucking say it.” And it’s true. Maybe I do veil my meaning. Maybe I hide it within stories thinking that somehow it will be easy to break and decipher. I also believe that some of it has to do with not wanting to come out and be a bitch. No one loves the bitch.
So I guess here it is: GUYS, when your girl is upset with you there are usually some very simple explanations, though they can stem from any number of reasons or actions. The simplest explanation is this: YOU ARE NOT SHOWING HER ENOUGH ATTENTION. She wants to know that you want her, like being around her, like talking to her. She wants to know that her presence is important to you. She wants to know that when your freedom comes and you have every option in the world that she is your first thought, even if you end up hanging out with someone else or do something else. AT LEAST CALL HER or TEXT HER to let her know you thought about her. Independence in a relationship is nothing but a fancy way of saying selfish. That doesn’t mean you have to become co-dependent, or forget who you are, it means that you have to take the five seconds to think about and contact your woman before you do your own thing. That’s the simplest way I can put it.
And guys, don’t break your girls trust (same with you girls…) because though trust rebuilds, it leaves a scar so deep that it often takes years to heal. Too many of my girlfriends have been hurt lately. Don’t fuck with them. Or you fuck with me.