I feel like I have I been stuck in a rut. I feel like my life is a big, fat failure. After every surgery I have had I sink into a self-contemplation that usually leaves me feeling beyond depressed. And everyone around me suffers. The first surgery, for my ovarian cysts, was in the summer. Jonathan had to leave after the weekend, and during the week I was by myself. Still relatively incapable of doing things on my own. I cried myself to sleep at night and slept most of the day away. I wasn’t knocked out of it until August when Kaitlyn came back and Joanthan was in Iowa City full time. My second surgery left me with the same depression. It was when I was told I basically had little to no left ovary. I had to stay the night in the hospital because they couldn’t control the pain. When they removed the ovary, it burst and they had to flush my abdomen with quite a bit of water in order to insure I didn’t get septic. These four other surgeries have left me couch bound. Walking is an absolute no-no unless it is to go the bathroom. I have felt more isolated these last few times. Not allowed to go outside. Not allowed to mingle with people. And it seems like the only people I do want to see cannot come. And all those I don’t want to see are the ones who are coming.
I don’t even know the point of this entry.