I have two sides raging inside of me. Nerves. Unbelievable nerves. About, what seems like, everything. Surgery. Moving. Life. Job. The unknown. And then calm. Unbelievable calm. Like watching waves rolling in. The peaceful “wooshing” of the water. The melodic sound of it. Life. Ever changing. Always moving. Constant. What happens will happen. Give way to lapping sound; the free floating feeling of the currents of life. Just breathe it in. Isn’t it wonderful?
Been having a good week. And when I say week, I don’t mean from Sunday on. I mean the last seven days. Despite Jonathan being away for a good four days, the past seven have seemed beneficial. I shouldn’t say seemed, because they did not just appear to be, they were. He met the professor he will work with, and they hit it off. The guy is in his early thirties and has gauged ears. He seems just the right amount of professional and geeky young man to mesh well with my fiance. It warms me to know this.
This past weekend, I spent time with people from work. It made me realize I have the potential to make friends. I suck at making friends. Usually I am too damn shy to pursue any type of friendship. Or I am completely oblivious to those who wish to pursue one with me. I really hope it’s not because I am too self-involved, but rather that I am just naive about these matters. In an age when digital communication is taking over, face-to-face interaction seem archaic; I feel like I have lost the ability to begin conversations with people. And the sad thing is, I am not joking about this. I have always been shy, but this technological just-send-him/her-a-friend-request approach seems so easy. I don’t have to take big gulps of breath and try hard not to blush red as a tomato when approaching someone. It’s always good to remember, though, that the easy way out is never good. And I definitely need to remember this. I got a beer with some of the guys from work, and it was fun. Plain and simple. It elevated my spirits, which was needed. I hope these types of get together can and will continue to happen. Because it rocked. And because I need to make sure I don’t turn into too much of a grandma at the age of 23.
Thanks to Matt (a guy at work), I downloaded a bunch of new music. He and this other guy, Adam, are way into music. They discuss it a lot, which makes me happy, because let’s face it, I LOVE MUSIC. And I get to discuss it with them (because before they got into the shipping room, it was all top twenty all the time). These small things have been improving my mood at work (even though I am sure if you asked them, they would say I was in an ever constant bad mood, full of anxiety and angst). It has been stressful at work, but I think things are improving, which is nice. We are hitting a stride. The new people are learning more, getting faster, learning the unfortunate rules of that GOD FORSAKEN room, and because of it D is calming down little by little, which means I am not getting so much dumped on me. It’s nice.
Was looking at apartments in Davis, California this morning. Pricey. Which is something my mom continuously points out to me. That, and how much I need to find a job. No fucking shit sherlock. She is putting this whole passive aggressive guilt trip on me. I have mixed feelings about this move. You really need a job. And the cost of living is so much greater than Iowa. As if these things haven’t been constantly on my mind since Jonathan told me he applied to UC Davis. They don’t need to be rubbed in, especially when my own mother knows how much I dwell on things. OBSESS over things.
I keep realizing there is so much more maturing I need to do. So much.
- Jets to Brazil. This band was recommended to me. I was told I would like it. Actually, I think I was told that I would love it. And from what I have heard so far (after downloading a few songs, example “Sweet Avenue”) I do love it. Lyrically and musically strong.
- The Firebird Band. Another recommendation to me. I have only downloaded one song, so far, and it is called “Gift”. Bittersweetly romantic. It reminds me of longing for someone so much it literally aches. Writing those words to embody all that, over this simple beat that has this melancholy feel to it. It’s just… I don’t even know. Just download it.
- Phantogram. This band is an electro-pop duo. But their beats have an almost doo-wop feel to them. It’s fucking brillant.
And even though I only typically do three recommendations, here are a couple more bands to check out (even though I won’t go into much detail): The Books, The Magnetic Fields, Fleet Foxes, Band of Horses, Metric, and The Appleseed Cast. In later posts I may elaborate more on these bands, but for now, get a head start and check them out!